Bullying is a growing concern amongst Parents. The problem
has reached levels where some children have considered
or have taken their own lives.
Bullying can be physical or Psychological. Psychological
bullying could be in the form of exclusion from games,
name calling, etc. One of the most amazing things is that
most people do not even know that they are bullying until
it is pointed out to them. Bullying can start as a playful
teasing and graduate from that. Unconscious bullying can
just be an attempt to be noticed and becomes a habit after
successfully gaining attention through doing it.
The most visible form of bullying is physical. And in
the case of conscious bullying, it is important to note
a few facts. All experts will agree a bully seeks out
the right person to pick on. In the West Indies there
is a saying. “A ghost knows which person to haunt.”
As mentioned before as a Leadership educator of two major
schools in Derbyshire, I have had the experience of teaching
children with behavioural problems. When I ask a group
who has had the reputation of bullying another child,
they are all in agreement on what type of child they pick
on or target. The child with the slumped shoulders, chin
down and not very aware of their surroundings, the quiet
kid, and one student actually referred to a potential
target as the ‘shy boy’.
If you picture an unconfident child in your minds eye,
you’ll probably be thinking of a child with head
down, shoulders hunched and breathing shallow. If you
imagine talking to him, he would probably speak in a low
tone, and barely make eye contact. Does this fit the profile
of a potential victim to bullying?
Making adjustments to your child’s physiology can
dramatically change their appearance to potential predators.
However there are a few more things to consider in dealing
with bullying.
Awareness for any Problem is the key to solving it. I
like to use the colour method: -
White. Is a state of non-awareness. Not aware of the
signs of bullying such as exclusion from games, name calling,
slight but constant irritation, such as pulling of hair,
throwing of objects, any thing that can cause disruption
or discomfort.
Yellow. Becoming aware. Now you know the signs of bullying
you are in a better position to deal with the problem.
For example: when you last went to the newsagents, you
probably couldn’t tell me how many red cars you
past but now you are more aware you could tell me next
time you go.
Orange: Becoming aware of the available choices. What
choices are available to your child? Your child has the
choice of telling a teacher, telling you the parent, running
away, ignoring the bully, changing hang out spots, changing
peer groups, even defending themselves and more. The important
thing is that they have choices.
Green: Make a decision. In the case of bullying there
is only one person that can make that first step or that
first decision. That is your child. They have to make
a decision on how to act and their actions is down to
the choices and options available. As a Leadership educator
I give my students a scenario of the animal kingdom defence
mechanisms, for example: -
A dove when attacked fly’s away. The dove doesn’t
fight.
A Porcupine when attacked by a lion never fights but
merely sticks its spikes up and the lion always comes
worse off.
A skunk lets off a horrific stench when attacked and
attackers will flee.
As for a cartoon ostrich they bury their head in the
sand. Your child cannot afford to ignore the problem and
hope it goes away.
Now Hang on: My child should not be bullied in the first
place. It is the teacher’s fault, the bullies parents
fault, the systems fault, it’s not my child or my
fault. You’re perfectly right, however when presented
with any problem your child’s first option is to
accept responsibility for the way they feel. It’s
hard for a child to do this but in view of the fact psychological
bullying is aimed at causing upset, accepting responsibility
diminishes its effect. Taking responsibility instantly
makes the victim consider choices in dealing with the
problem. One of my students who was faced with bullying
was taught by myself to adopt the attitude that he would
not be held hostage to the opinion of others. With a few
minor adjustments in body language and learning how to
safely defend himself and look after his attackers safety
in the process he solved the problem of bullying.
Here is what Jack Said about his Leadership Karate Kid Program:
-Black Belt Academy is words I say with pride. I use
to get bullied frequently at school but when I turned
to black belt (joined the school) they showed me how to
deal with the problems, they have also done wonders for
my confidence, and I try giving them ago. The techniques
they teach and the way they teach them are brilliant,
they make sure that you can go to other people and say”
I can do that.” There’s one major thing that they taught though
and that is “you can do anything if you put your
mind to it.
Note to parents
Teach your child awareness, choices and creativity. If
one thing doesn’t work change it and keep changing
it until you have gained the desired result.
